So I'm sitting here watching my baby play with her dog, and it suddenly occurs to me that she isn't a baby anymore. She is three. Three whole years have passed since the day she was born.
More than three years actually, but I'm generalizing here.
Looking back on that night she was born, I would have never thought I would be where I am now. I've lost a lot the last few years, and I've gained about as much. I learned a lot about who I am, and how strong a person I can be when I need to be.
There was a time not too long ago that I didn't think I was going to be ok. I didn't think I could get through. I had lost the people that I had come to feel were my foundation. Not that anything was entirely anyone's fault, I had my hand in everything, as did they...but I was truly lost. I didn't know how to move forward.
Now that I'm past that, now that I've found what my true foundation is, now that I have really found my path, and am living a life that is solid, stable, happy and peaceful... I look back and wonder how I could have changed it all to have kept that life, and still have found the life I have now.
I shouldn't, but I miss that portion of my life that I have left behind now. I drive past certain people on the road and wonder what their lives are like now that I am not a part of it. I know that it is all in the past and I have to move on and let it all go...but part of me believes that you don't form those kind of connections to people for no reason. I don't know now, maybe I will never know what the reason was...but I guess it helps me to think that there was a reason to it all.
I may have been the only one who walked away in pain, but I can't hold on to the pain anymore.
So here's to everything changing. For the better (and sometimes worse...but thats just the way it goes). Here's to moving on, and moving forward. Forgiving and being forgiven.
